Saturday, April 05, 2008

Growing Faith & Trust to a New Level

"Do you Trust Me?" Jesus asks.
"Well of course I do, Lord."
"How much do you Trust Me?" He asks.
"I trust you with everything, Lord. I left my home, career and country to serve you...of course I trust you." "I trusted you when you asked me to take only teaching jobs here that would develop relationships for your kingdom" "And you have been faithful to meet my every need."

"But will you Trust Me if it looks like the money won't be there?"
"Sure Lord, no problem, you're God I can trust you." "But wait!" "I don't see the money?"

The Lord is challenging me to a new level of trust. I cancelled the lease for the building in Zakopane and the Lord was so good to give us favor with the landlord that he let us out early and compensated us for the repairs we had made. But the young couple who had been living there and renting a room have gone through financial problems and didn't pay 2 months worth of rent (which meant I did).

"Yes, Lord, I trust you"

Then when I got the final electric bill 2 weeks ago & it was over $500 and they couldn't pay (I had to pay). (Of course the contracts were in my name so I was a bit stuck). Then my gas bill came. It was a bit higher because I had had a number of guests (showers you know).

"I trust the Lord"

I will have to pay some US taxes this year as none of my donation points handle withholding. Plus, my health insurance is due in June. The dollar dropped again to the lowest I can remember to 2.15 zolty to the dollar. Any one or even two or three of this at one time would be a stretch but now I'm at a bit of a panic.

"aaaah, trust? Lord, aha, I"

My monthly support has been averaging (to Mission Dispatch) $1,300 per month. With all the above challenges it would be tight but managable.

"Oh yes, Lord, I trust you"

However, THIS MONTH my support was $440.

"Now Lord, you said I can trust you...right...that you will take of me if I'm faithful to you...right?"

Now my rationale mind goes nuts. I am the daughter of a banker. I've had a savings account since I was born. And I hate being over-extended even just a bit. I know that I will need to fill the tank in the car at least 2 more times ($65 each) this month if I fulfill my ministry obligations. The phone bill and the condo dues are coming at about another $150. Physical therapy $40. The way I do math, that leaves about $150 for food for the month. Not to mention that my washing machine was leaking the last time I used it, it's time (past time) for the car to go for a check up and my computer is seriously limping along. Oh, I have a house guest who is unemployed.

"Jesus, can I really trust you?" "I mean really?" "Jesus I have to trust you because there is no other way through this."

Jesus says, "I love you and I will not leave you alone in the struggles in your life." "Watch, See, I take care of my sheep"

***While writing this post I recieved a phone call from a woman asking me to come visit. Of course I said yes but I had no idea what the reason was for the request. After finishing this post I went for the visit. Upon arriving she told me that it wasn't urgent that I come but that she had something for me. It was an envelop with payment for some editing I had done months earlier.

Yes, Jesus you do take care of me. You are teaching me what it means to live by daily bread. Thank you for today's manna.

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